Adios 2012!

Looking back at the 364 days that passed, I cannot begin to precisely describe how 2012 has been for me. It's like driving down a fast lane and all those months seemed like a blurry background instead of a scenic panorama. I guess that's the right word for it. Blurry. Maybe it's the want for forgetting hideous memories or the need to erase the frustrating and stagnant moments speaking here in behalf of my unable lips but, God knows how I spent the entire year (almost) at the bottom of the pit feeling blue and all that shit. And for all that I have been through this year, I never thought that I would be able to redeem myself from the crumbled pieces that was left of me.

But despite the haziness, the fuzz and the drama, there are actually a few really good things and exceptionally extraordinary people here and there that made my year quite bearable if not, fascinatingly delightful. And for all of that; I am very grateful for all the answered and unanswered prayers, for the faith that made me endure the lowest low of my life, for the strength that made me stand my ground and for the will to keep fighting for all the things that made me who I am today. And after a year's worth of battle and constant indecisive procrastination, I am still here. Alive. Strong. Brave. Wise. Ready.

Bring it on 2013!

Eureka Moments #3

This one is for Merce.
..because I know what it's like.

Wounds take time to heal. Nurse yourself to wellness. Help yourself to cope. Nobody is going to do that for you.

On The Verge of Goodbye

... And in that moment, he turned his back and walked away. And just like that scene from the movies, a poignantly melancholic music played; barely there but with each note is a huge blow to the fragile facade of calmness and valor. Everything else faded into the blurry background for in that night, there were only two people in the entire universe and the sound of his footsteps echoed through time and space. Nothing else mattered for with each step, inch by inch they drew apart. Until such distance became frighteningly unbearable and the tears long held captive at bay rebelled their way to freedom...

I never saw it coming.

Nothing could have prepared me for the melodrama of that night. Such a scene was way past my imagination. I wish someone could have warned me; someone could have said that it would be so keen and bittersweet. And until that moment, I thought I was ready to see him go.

The last few minutes ticked by so fast that the sudden and hurried gush of time left me tongue-tied and flabbergasted. He might have noticed my hasty retreat to the deafening stillness of the night. But I was glad for his noncommittal silence because the lump in my throat was tearing me apart. I was afraid to utter a single syllable for maybe a hushed whisper would break me into pieces and expose that frightened little spirit.

I made a promise not to weep when the time comes. And in my head, I've rehearsed all the lines that I would tell him just before he leaves. But I was much too weak for the ultimate coup de grace of that night: he was indeed leaving. The realization struck me so hard and the virulence was almost past bearing. The reality was like an overwhelming avalanche and my ineptitude to take hold of my senses took its toll on me.

It’s a shame on me for having to weep like there’s no tomorrow and for soaking his shirt with tears. But the suppressed worries and the miles that would soon separate us clawed ruthlessly at the back of my mind was too much for me to handle. I wish my tears were eloquent enough to let him know of the things that I wanted to tell him. I wish my tears were enough to make him remember and never forget all of yesterday's dreams and tomorrow's promises.

I never knew that it could ever be so tormenting. It was hard to see him leave; even harder to let go of his hands. But I must endure what I have to endure. That is the only way for me to make it through the agonizing days and coldest nights that would come.

... As the taxi slowly gained speed, I continued to look at him even from a distance. Never taking my eyes off him, I whispered a vow I know I would keep.

I will be waiting... patiently, steadfastly waiting.

Eureka Moments #2

http://blingee.com/blingee/view/129561915-Nothing-Lasts-Forever

Nothing lasts forever.

At some point, something or someone is gone for eternity and the grief accompanying the loss is felt with nothing but a defeated resignation.

Face it; accept it with your head held high. For in this loss, you shall gain the strength to heal and the wisdom to live.

Eureka Moments #1

There are no regrets; only lessons learned. Know that in regret, time is wasted. Devout your present in learning from the past so you can make yourself adept for the future.

http://favim.com/image/329054/