Dad, I used to be your little girl. I remember those times when you used to cradle me while you're watching the NBA playoffs. I remember those times when kissing you was a habit of mine and would forget that moment when I fell down from that pump boat and plunged into the river one summer getaway we had years ago. I could have drowned if not for your strong arms that encircled my body and lifted me from the water.
But those were the days. Times have changed and growing up was inevitable. We fought a lot. My skirts were too short. I failed my math tests. I talked back. I ignored my curfew hours. Our different perspectives clashed in instances too many to count. Until one day, that awkward silence drew us apart.
Indeed times have changed and growing old is inevitable. But now, as I have come to my adulthood, I have finally seen the meaning behind your frowns and overprotective gestures. I have seen and felt the sacrifices you have to endure so that I could have the kind of life that you didn't get to have in your youth.
Thanks Dad. My humble words are not enough to fully express how lucky and thankful I am for having you. We may not talk a lot. But I know you will always be two steps behind me in every journey I venture.
I'm a big girl now. I'm no longer that little brat with curly hair and chubby cheeks. But hey, I will always be your baby. I love you. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
What I Did A Week Before The Board Exam
I cannot believe that it has almost been a year since that fateful July 2011 Integrated Comprehensive Nursing Licensure Examination. Oh, time indeed flies by so fast. I remember those days when no words could ever describe the hodgepodge of emotions I felt during my "preparation" for that big test. It was like everything was so surreal. The days seemed like mere hours ticking by the clock in an unusually fast paced manner and the only two things I did was stare blankly at the pile of books and notes I know I should have read a long time ago and bit my nails.
For a carefree and happy-go-lucky student that I was back in Nursing school, I was under the impression that the entire four years of my college education was not enough for me to make it through the test unscathed. I was never diligent enough to study and pay attention in lectures and skill demonstrations back then that it made me really worry as to how I would do in the board exam.
As July came near, it seemed to me that no amount of anti-anxiety agents could ever drown my jittery nerves, fidgeting senses and those annoying butterflies in my stomach. Adding to that are those concepts I found alien in nature while everyone around me seemed to know what the hell those were about. Hence, the anxiety and the pressure was so nerve racking that each heartbeat is like a wild rhythm of a drum. So in order for me to keep my sanity before the upcoming exam, I coped up by doing the following things a week before the NLE:
1. I prayed hard. God knows I forgot a lot of shit and that I could never read the entire tome-like volumes of my Medical-Surgical Nursing, Fundamentals of Nursing, Maternal and Child Health, Psychiatric Nursing and Community Health Nursing in just a week. Not to mention all those notes I have amassed all throughout college and those that came from my review classes. I suddenly became the religious and the pious one; bowing my head and closing my eyes for that badly needed miracle on the day of the exam.
2. I crammed. I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE READ ALL THOSE BOOK MONTHS BEFORE, EVEN YEARS BEFORE THE BOARD EXAM. But because I'm good at being lazy when it comes to studying, my new-from-the-bookstore-looking-books-that-laid-sleeping-in-my-old-drawer-for-three-years-accumulating-dust were ravaged by my frantic and nervous hands resulting to over highlighted paragraphs and folded/torn pages. (I can't carry the books around so I tore a number of pages that consisted an entire chapter so I could read them on the go.)
3. I attended my Final Coaching review like I'm some fanatic devotee. Because the venues for my review sessions were too far from where I was residing, my attendance record was a little bit shady. And because summer was too tempting, I cut classes. There were days when I was not in the mood to attend classes at all and traveled to other places instead. But during the last week of the review, when my predicament finally sank in on my mind, I decided to be seriously involved with the review sessions thinking it will be my only redemption in the coming Armageddon. (And because a lot of good stuff comes out during these critical days. *wink*)
4. I slept. Like a lot. Going home from the final days of my review classes felt like I was finally going home after a long journey. Yes, I was that exhausted. But my mom always says that to study with a tired mind and a weary body is useless since you're just going to be out of focus. So there, I heeded her advice and slept like a baby.
5. I delighted my appetite with delectable treats. This is stress eating. (LOL)
6. The clinical instructors at the Nursing school that I attended said that we should expect a time-pressured test so it would be better to train ourselves with at least a hundred or so items of practice test a day with an hour limit months before the exam. No, I never did that. Instead, I got those practice test sheets I've had from the review classes and those copies of my finals and midterms exams back in college and scanned through them. I read through the pages and noted those that I do not understand and remember. Most of them had answers anyway and it felt foolish if I'd erase the correct letters and try to answer the tests again. Besides, I'm cramming remember?
7. On the eve of the first day of the exam, my anxiety skyrocketed and my insides were turning upside down. I felt dizzy and I puked everything I ingested for that day. Astonishingly, all those comfort food that I could think of afterwards wielded my rebel of a stomach. I guess that's the reason why they're called comfort food eh?
DISCLAIMER: What I have written here are not tips for those aspiring nurses as to how they could manage go about the hell of a week before the NLE. I know it is going to be a HELL OF A WEEK. Trust me on this one. I have been there and I know how exactly it feels. This was my way of coping up with the pressure and the huge demand of the exam. If you are reading this and you are about to take that life changing examination; do not follow suit. It's not that I did not passed the exam because I did all those shit, (I actually did. God granted me a miracle. HAHA.) but because every individual has a way of coping up with the different demands of life. Know that whatever it is that you are doing and feeling as of this anxiety-filled moment, it is normal. Just stick to your study habit, (If ever you have one. But if you have none, just pray for a miracle like I did.) do not be complacent, give it your best shot and remember that prayer is still the best weapon you can carry before you go to war. Good luck to all those who will be taking the NLE! Ace the test!
For a carefree and happy-go-lucky student that I was back in Nursing school, I was under the impression that the entire four years of my college education was not enough for me to make it through the test unscathed. I was never diligent enough to study and pay attention in lectures and skill demonstrations back then that it made me really worry as to how I would do in the board exam.
As July came near, it seemed to me that no amount of anti-anxiety agents could ever drown my jittery nerves, fidgeting senses and those annoying butterflies in my stomach. Adding to that are those concepts I found alien in nature while everyone around me seemed to know what the hell those were about. Hence, the anxiety and the pressure was so nerve racking that each heartbeat is like a wild rhythm of a drum. So in order for me to keep my sanity before the upcoming exam, I coped up by doing the following things a week before the NLE:
1. I prayed hard. God knows I forgot a lot of shit and that I could never read the entire tome-like volumes of my Medical-Surgical Nursing, Fundamentals of Nursing, Maternal and Child Health, Psychiatric Nursing and Community Health Nursing in just a week. Not to mention all those notes I have amassed all throughout college and those that came from my review classes. I suddenly became the religious and the pious one; bowing my head and closing my eyes for that badly needed miracle on the day of the exam.
2. I crammed. I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE READ ALL THOSE BOOK MONTHS BEFORE, EVEN YEARS BEFORE THE BOARD EXAM. But because I'm good at being lazy when it comes to studying, my new-from-the-bookstore-looking-books-that-laid-sleeping-in-my-old-drawer-for-three-years-accumulating-dust were ravaged by my frantic and nervous hands resulting to over highlighted paragraphs and folded/torn pages. (I can't carry the books around so I tore a number of pages that consisted an entire chapter so I could read them on the go.)
3. I attended my Final Coaching review like I'm some fanatic devotee. Because the venues for my review sessions were too far from where I was residing, my attendance record was a little bit shady. And because summer was too tempting, I cut classes. There were days when I was not in the mood to attend classes at all and traveled to other places instead. But during the last week of the review, when my predicament finally sank in on my mind, I decided to be seriously involved with the review sessions thinking it will be my only redemption in the coming Armageddon. (And because a lot of good stuff comes out during these critical days. *wink*)
4. I slept. Like a lot. Going home from the final days of my review classes felt like I was finally going home after a long journey. Yes, I was that exhausted. But my mom always says that to study with a tired mind and a weary body is useless since you're just going to be out of focus. So there, I heeded her advice and slept like a baby.
5. I delighted my appetite with delectable treats. This is stress eating. (LOL)
6. The clinical instructors at the Nursing school that I attended said that we should expect a time-pressured test so it would be better to train ourselves with at least a hundred or so items of practice test a day with an hour limit months before the exam. No, I never did that. Instead, I got those practice test sheets I've had from the review classes and those copies of my finals and midterms exams back in college and scanned through them. I read through the pages and noted those that I do not understand and remember. Most of them had answers anyway and it felt foolish if I'd erase the correct letters and try to answer the tests again. Besides, I'm cramming remember?
7. On the eve of the first day of the exam, my anxiety skyrocketed and my insides were turning upside down. I felt dizzy and I puked everything I ingested for that day. Astonishingly, all those comfort food that I could think of afterwards wielded my rebel of a stomach. I guess that's the reason why they're called comfort food eh?
DISCLAIMER: What I have written here are not tips for those aspiring nurses as to how they could manage go about the hell of a week before the NLE. I know it is going to be a HELL OF A WEEK. Trust me on this one. I have been there and I know how exactly it feels. This was my way of coping up with the pressure and the huge demand of the exam. If you are reading this and you are about to take that life changing examination; do not follow suit. It's not that I did not passed the exam because I did all those shit, (I actually did. God granted me a miracle. HAHA.) but because every individual has a way of coping up with the different demands of life. Know that whatever it is that you are doing and feeling as of this anxiety-filled moment, it is normal. Just stick to your study habit, (If ever you have one. But if you have none, just pray for a miracle like I did.) do not be complacent, give it your best shot and remember that prayer is still the best weapon you can carry before you go to war. Good luck to all those who will be taking the NLE! Ace the test!
Back to Square One
After an almost three-week long hiatus, I am back with an enthusiasm that I think I have never known of before.
I guess the last three weeks were enough to finally put the past to its grave.
There is no doubt in my mind that what I have been through was definitely a first for me and is certainly on my top list of the toughest things I have encountered in the entire 21 years of my existence. Hell, it was even dreadful than the July Integrated Comprehensive Nursing Licensure Examination horror last year. But then again, although battle-scarred, I managed to survive with not only my principles and sanity intact, but with an extra shield of strength, courage and wisdom.
To fall from a setback and be frustrated by your own stupidity actually has a lot of perks than its negative counterpart. Imagine having to lose 10 lbs in just a week without undergoing that sweaty and tiresome workout. Or that moment when you’re just so exhausted at looking hideous and at feeling overly insecure that you finally craved for a change; to look at your best and to redeem yourself from melancholia. The lessons you've learned from your mistakes will not be negated too as well as the emergence of an updated version of yourself; a better, stronger and wiser upgrade.
I know whatever it is that happened is just the tip of an iceberg in this earthly occupation of mine. There will still be more wretched things that would go my way; a far cry from what I have dealt with in the past. There will still be numerous bumps, bruises, blows and wrong turns to come. One thing is for sure though, quitting is NOT AN OPTION. After all, there will always be a rainbow after the rain right?
I guess the last three weeks were enough to finally put the past to its grave.
Yes, that's right. I'm now ready to move forward and start anew.
There is no doubt in my mind that what I have been through was definitely a first for me and is certainly on my top list of the toughest things I have encountered in the entire 21 years of my existence. Hell, it was even dreadful than the July Integrated Comprehensive Nursing Licensure Examination horror last year. But then again, although battle-scarred, I managed to survive with not only my principles and sanity intact, but with an extra shield of strength, courage and wisdom.
To fall from a setback and be frustrated by your own stupidity actually has a lot of perks than its negative counterpart. Imagine having to lose 10 lbs in just a week without undergoing that sweaty and tiresome workout. Or that moment when you’re just so exhausted at looking hideous and at feeling overly insecure that you finally craved for a change; to look at your best and to redeem yourself from melancholia. The lessons you've learned from your mistakes will not be negated too as well as the emergence of an updated version of yourself; a better, stronger and wiser upgrade.
I know whatever it is that happened is just the tip of an iceberg in this earthly occupation of mine. There will still be more wretched things that would go my way; a far cry from what I have dealt with in the past. There will still be numerous bumps, bruises, blows and wrong turns to come. One thing is for sure though, quitting is NOT AN OPTION. After all, there will always be a rainbow after the rain right?
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