A Pried Realization

I was in a public utility vehicle that day when I heard the woman beside me answer her phone. And because my phone's battery was dead and the still silence of the vehicle is beginning to irritate me, I can't help but eavesdrop to the on-going conversation. It seemed like a quarrel over a broken relationship. And it seemed to me that things are getting way too personal as the woman was in the brink of tears. I know its bad to continue extending my ears to the conversation. Its crossing the boundaries of someone else's privacy, but I can't help it! The woman was sitting right next to me! How could I resist listening to what she was saying? So anyway, I was trying to look nonchalant while keeping my sensitive ears to the matter.

As the conversation went on, I was able to gauge the kind of person the woman was talking to on the other line. A sadistic selfish liar who cheats for his past time and hurt the woman as a hobby. What a sorry excuse for a person. A low-lying scumbag who deserves a good beating, castration and mutilation! That was how pathetic he is and from what I have heard; "a spawn of Satan" according to a "reliable" source. Imagine that for a boyfriend huh? If I was the woman I'd probably get my hands dirty and stained by his blood and body parts.

And because traffic was heavy, I have heard more from the conversation. The woman was obviously angry at what the man was telling her. Apparently, he wanted her back but she can't be fooled by any of his sweet talk anymore. I hid a smile as my eyes met that of the driver's. See, I wasn't the only one listening. That took some weight on my conscience. Anyway, the woman kept on ranting and rumbling words, curses and more foul words to the person at the other end of the line. I'm glad the woman realized her worth and had enough of the man's hideous and repulsive manner. But the next thing that she said was what surprised me. Her words were simple but it stayed on my mind for days!

"I'm glad you dumped me. I would not have found him." Plain, simple, head-on, tough statement coming from a person relieved of a humongous burden. A person who just found the perfect half of her heart. And from that I remembered a person who swallowed her pride for a certain someone who doesn't even know her worth. She must have been blinded by that stormy infatuation thing. It wasn't love. It wasn't anything close to love. It was just pure, primal and perhaps animalistic admiration to the opposite sex. No more, no less. What a fool had she been. Letting herself be caught off guard and wore her heart in her sleeves! At least now she knew it wasn't love that she felt for the man. It was just a sweeping tide of childish crush for now she met someone who deserves her attention and affection. But she learned that one must not dive head first into doubtful situation. Experienced taught her that. Maybe she'd just take the risk with an ample amount of care and courage. One step at a time as the song goes and maybe that's what she'll do. Just take one step at a time.

I never knew what happened to the woman. Or how her conversation ended. But one thing is for sure. She deserves to have that bitter satire aimed at that man. And I on the other hand, deserve my peace to move-on and forget the person whom I thought was the person who "evoked an entirely different emotion in me". (If you know what I mean ^_^ ) Now I can say I was wrong. It wasn't him. It was someone else. And let me quote that passenger when she said; "I'm glad you dumped me. I would not have found him." For in the end, she damn said it best.

Insomnia

Its 3 in the morning and I'm still wide awake. Its really unlikely of me to stay up late, especially in the wee hours of the morning. They say 3 am is the time of the dead. They say 3 is a magical number. But whatever version they say about the number's significance, it has a different connotation for me. An unlikely meaning I suppose since I have never succumb to such strange thing before.

Its 3 in the morning and I'm listening to love songs. Foolish of me huh? I thought so too. I mean, who in the hell stays up this late and just listen to love lullabies? But its strange, do you wanna know why? I don’t care if you're not interested. I'll tell you anyway. I find comfort and peace in listening to these fanciful melodies. Weird. I'm usually a sucker for trance, house mixes, dance, a little bit of hip-hop, pop and RnB. Never did love songs topped my hit charts. But here I am, listening to Adelle, Gabrielle, Michelle Branch and Reo Speed Wagon among others in my playlist. I even listen to the Jonas Brother's Love Bug! How is that for a sudden and not to mention unusual change of genre?

Its 3 in the morning and I'm waiting, half-expecting and crossing my fingers. With my wide-eyed consciousness, I patiently linger as the clock make its usual "Tick-tock" chant marking the slow progression of time praying to the All Mighty that somehow and in some "cosmic" way; I cross someone's mind and he'd immediately hit the call button in his phone while a calling sign is above my name or my number. Bizarre. I don't really expect someone to remember me, much more; phone me in the sleepiest hour of the early morning.

Its 3 in the morning and I guess the term daydreaming is appropriate for its already morning, I'm wide awake and I'm actually staring at the four walls of the room I'm currently occupying. I got tired of the ceiling so I switched to the walls for a change of scenery. As if the walls mattered to the things that I have in my head. Dreams, fantasies, conundrums and anything in between. Peculiar? I'd say; "YES!"

Its 3 in the morning and I am actually planning things I don't think a normal person would even consider at my age, my status and my financial capability. Odd. How would an unemployed, fresh graduate happily plan things such as family and kids? Wise, mentally adequate, normal and practical people would have planned a future involving career paths, professional growth and pecuniary stability.

Its 3 in the morning and I am worrying about things I shouldn't worry about. Creases in my forehead speak of "what ifs" that continuously rotate the 360 degree axis of jealousy, distance, women, time, heartbreaks, fights, incompatibility, pain and trust. How unconventional of my brain to amass nuerons and function in this state.

Its 3 in the morning and I'm about to shatter the walls of doubt and fear. I am about to make an eccentric admission of what I thought was just another phony idea of something intangible. I have encountered this thing in a lot but various circumstances already or so I thought. I have seen right through it, seen it in shallow waters, seen the broadest picture not even bothering to halt and view the specifics. If it was a rattle snake, it would have been delighted to take its poisonous bite and kill me in an instant without me noticing. What an idiot could I have been? And although what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, will this make me half as strong as I was before I have known its truest nature? I can’t answer concretely. All I could just say is; "Let kismet decide."

Its 3 in the morning and I'm still wide awake. Its really unlikely of me to stay up late, especially in the wee hours of the morning. They say 3 am is the time of the dead. They say 3 is a magical number. But whatever version they say about the number's significance, it has a different connotation for me. An unlikely meaning I suppose since I have never succumb to such strange thing before. An outlandish acceptance of love and not just the mere idea of love.