Falling in love is the easiest thing, staying in love is hard but letting go is perhaps the hardest.
Fuck that shit.
Okay. So, here I am dead tired of ranting and bashing around about how some asshole dumped me for a reason I think only jerks like him could ever think of. Finally, I'm done feeling sorry and feeling awful for what happened. I guess that's just the way it is eh? At some point in life, shit like this happens. SHIT HAPPENS.
I've said this before and I'm going to say this again for re-emphasis. It's been really tough for me, really, really tough. This crazy shit is so fucked up that I can barely live my "normal" life. It's always him. If I see or hear or feel something, I'm always reminded of how I fell head over heels over some shady and I'm getting sick of it. I'm sick of always having to choke on my tears at night. I'm sick of biting my lips just so I can't say out loud that I miss him. I'm tired of having to find myself thinking, worrying, mooning over him.
So now, I guess this is the phase where every woman has the right to be having an emotional outburst after the so-called break up or in my case, the drop-off. It's the perfect time to feel the bitterness and the angst towards the male species. It's this part of the relationSHIT; I mean relationship cycle where animosity, asperity and acrimony are wrapped up in a ball of fury aimed towards the male population. (Sorry guys) I won't elaborate more on that since I know that everyone (men and women, well women in general) has had their own share of experiences when one just can't let go, get over and get going and because I'm doing this on the fly. It's this time when you just cannot help but generalizing your judgment among men and the knot of pessimism towards them and towards intimate relationships with them keeps your drive to move on and deal with life. You are even intolerant of their antics, sweet talks and romantic gestures. The lines, "Been there, done that." and "I've heard that before." are commonly said to drive away men who by this time would do anything to take advantage; I mean, "rescue" a damsel in distress or at least that's how some ladies would put it. As for me? I'd rather say, "FUCK OFF YOU SON OF A BITCH!" (With conviction of course) Now, that will have a nice ring to it. One could really feel the distaste and the exasperation.
I should have known. I knew better but I wasn't using my neurons. And as to how I succumb into this idiosyncrasy? I wish I could tell you how but at the moment, my mind's been really a messy piece of crap. I was right. You see, most men just do the talking. (MOST) The empty and shallow but flowery words that come out of their mouths are carefully crafted into luring a woman into the pit of devastation. They're great actors too. They’re too good to be true pretenders. They would start off nice and smooth, pretend they're madly in love with you, put their best fucking foot forward all the time but at the end of that long run, they'd eventually get bored and they'll just dump you in a dumpster after they're done with you like you're some trash. And because SOME men are by nature closely related to pigs, expect that they'd piss and shit on you before they drop you off that garbage bin. As if those weren't enough, they're sly liars too that even CIA's lie interrogation is no match to their insidious deceit. Wake up! There is no prince charming. They're all one and the same. Dickheads.
Pardon my cynicism and my rude and derogatory words, but I guess my belligerence, brackishness and distrust among men is justified. After all, what I have been through and the men I have met and dealt with are my only concrete basis for me to say these things. But I guess the only delightful thing you get from this god-forsaken circumstance is the fact that as days goes by, the hurt and the bitterness make you stronger. You aren't the person you used to know. You'd learn how to stand after that great fall and that's something no one can take away from you. And what's more is that somehow, no matter how you make yourself believe that there is no redemption for men, there is still this unwavering anticipation that there is someone out there who's bound to change your mind. Ain't that a saccharine consolation?
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