Farewell To You

I want you to know that I'm getting by. I want you to know that as time flies by, the wounds are now turning into scars. The first few days were hard and it was definitely a blow that caught me off guard. I was in an adamant refusal that it was the end of the road. To me, it felt like I was a kid again and I'm being deprived of something that I'm already used to having. I was so attached at what short and limited bond that we had that I was beginning to weave a basket full of dreams. It's funny how as I've looked back at what happened; I could now smile bitterly at my own foolishness. I was so busy looking up at the stars and too preoccupied with their beautiful promises that I forgot the stones at my feet. Please do not feel sorry for me. I've had enough of that for myself. It's true, I stumbled and fell; bruises and cuts bled and I can hardly say I'm okay back then. I was mad and frustrated not at you but at what you did. But I think that you should know that I do not blame you for what has transpired. I brought it upon myself without any inhibition and I didn't even care for precautionary measures.

It's been quite a while now; quite a span of time to allow recuperation. I wanted to ask you so many questions and I wanted to yell and nag but I could never bring myself to do such things; fearing that those might estrange us more. I never knew that I could be ever glad for the departing silence we both allow to further the long and distant gap between us. For in this dead air; I have understood quite a handful of ambiguities in life and for that, I could not thank you enough. Do not worry about me and go on; chase your dreams. I will be okay. What happened was just a setback that I haven't anticipated and from this, I have grown and learned a few things. It is still a long road for me and I think I can manage to find my way around.

This might be the last time that you will hear from me. Know that despite all the things said and done, I'm happy that I've had the chance to encounter someone like you. Do not get me wrong; I do not intend to end this with a bitter remark. In fact, I wanted this to be my final adieu to you. The one that we're both entitled to. There was a time when I so desperately seek out the reasons; your reasons as to why things has to end that way, but I failed to see that even now I'm still too weak to face the truth so, I'll be leaving things the way that I think it should be. Reasons are no longer as essential for whatever those could be; I do not think that in my current state, I have the ability to comprehend them. My reluctance to talk to you does not mean I don't care. I do. It's just that I still cannot battle my inner demons. I do not mean to offend you with what seem like an impersonal goodbye; much less a very public array of farewell. I'm sorry that my lack of brevity and courage has brought me down to this. You deserve a lot more. Sadly, I cannot give you that much. But for all that it was and for all that it's worth; for me, it felt real. To me, it was real. Goodbye.