Insomnia

Its 3 in the morning and I'm still wide awake. Its really unlikely of me to stay up late, especially in the wee hours of the morning. They say 3 am is the time of the dead. They say 3 is a magical number. But whatever version they say about the number's significance, it has a different connotation for me. An unlikely meaning I suppose since I have never succumb to such strange thing before.

Its 3 in the morning and I'm listening to love songs. Foolish of me huh? I thought so too. I mean, who in the hell stays up this late and just listen to love lullabies? But its strange, do you wanna know why? I don’t care if you're not interested. I'll tell you anyway. I find comfort and peace in listening to these fanciful melodies. Weird. I'm usually a sucker for trance, house mixes, dance, a little bit of hip-hop, pop and RnB. Never did love songs topped my hit charts. But here I am, listening to Adelle, Gabrielle, Michelle Branch and Reo Speed Wagon among others in my playlist. I even listen to the Jonas Brother's Love Bug! How is that for a sudden and not to mention unusual change of genre?

Its 3 in the morning and I'm waiting, half-expecting and crossing my fingers. With my wide-eyed consciousness, I patiently linger as the clock make its usual "Tick-tock" chant marking the slow progression of time praying to the All Mighty that somehow and in some "cosmic" way; I cross someone's mind and he'd immediately hit the call button in his phone while a calling sign is above my name or my number. Bizarre. I don't really expect someone to remember me, much more; phone me in the sleepiest hour of the early morning.

Its 3 in the morning and I guess the term daydreaming is appropriate for its already morning, I'm wide awake and I'm actually staring at the four walls of the room I'm currently occupying. I got tired of the ceiling so I switched to the walls for a change of scenery. As if the walls mattered to the things that I have in my head. Dreams, fantasies, conundrums and anything in between. Peculiar? I'd say; "YES!"

Its 3 in the morning and I am actually planning things I don't think a normal person would even consider at my age, my status and my financial capability. Odd. How would an unemployed, fresh graduate happily plan things such as family and kids? Wise, mentally adequate, normal and practical people would have planned a future involving career paths, professional growth and pecuniary stability.

Its 3 in the morning and I am worrying about things I shouldn't worry about. Creases in my forehead speak of "what ifs" that continuously rotate the 360 degree axis of jealousy, distance, women, time, heartbreaks, fights, incompatibility, pain and trust. How unconventional of my brain to amass nuerons and function in this state.

Its 3 in the morning and I'm about to shatter the walls of doubt and fear. I am about to make an eccentric admission of what I thought was just another phony idea of something intangible. I have encountered this thing in a lot but various circumstances already or so I thought. I have seen right through it, seen it in shallow waters, seen the broadest picture not even bothering to halt and view the specifics. If it was a rattle snake, it would have been delighted to take its poisonous bite and kill me in an instant without me noticing. What an idiot could I have been? And although what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, will this make me half as strong as I was before I have known its truest nature? I can’t answer concretely. All I could just say is; "Let kismet decide."

Its 3 in the morning and I'm still wide awake. Its really unlikely of me to stay up late, especially in the wee hours of the morning. They say 3 am is the time of the dead. They say 3 is a magical number. But whatever version they say about the number's significance, it has a different connotation for me. An unlikely meaning I suppose since I have never succumb to such strange thing before. An outlandish acceptance of love and not just the mere idea of love.